Five Tips For … Stress-Free Mornings With Under-Fives

Unpredictable wake-up times, fussy eaters, lost socks and multiple mood swings: it’s all just such a wonderful time! A good morning sets the tone for the day ahead, and when you’re juggling work, life admin and childcare, it’s important to start off on a good note. Chartered Psychologist Dr Mark Rackley sums it up nicely: ‘Children are not naturally good at keeping routine, as they have an immature brain that easily gets distracted. The morning routine is really down to the parent to facilitate and organise for the child and then they can follow.’ So, how do we do it?

Shake Up Your Wake-Up

If you have a preschooler under your roof, it can feel as if you’re at their mercy. This brings us to rule number one: you can’t be. The only constant in parenting is change, and you have to adapt your daily routine as your children grow to give consistency through inconsistent spells. One way to take control of your mornings is to set a wake-up time that works for you and your children and adjust your bedtime to suit. If your children often wake up pre-6am however you adjust their bedtime, make sure you go to bed earlier so that you can wake up early with them feeling well-rested. It’s not forever; in a few years you will be dragging them out of bed at 7.30 so that they don’t miss the start of school, and you’ll get your evenings back.

If your children are old enough, invest in a GroClock or similar and explain that it isn’t morning until the clock is green. Dr Mark says that a strict bedtime is important, too. ‘This begins the night before, ensuring that the child gets to bed on time and gets enough sleep. Sleep-deprived children are not going to do well in the morning.’ If you can all wake up after a good night’s sleep, things will likely feel more manageable.

Upstairs, Downstairs

For many, once everyone is physically out of bed, you all move downstairs and little ones are deposited in front of a TV while breakfast (and coffee, lots of coffee) is made. This is all well and good until the next step – getting everyone back upstairs, dressed and ready to leave the house – rolls around and nobody wants to move from in front of the screen. Dr Mark says: ‘Screens can over-stimulate the brain in the morning, making the child over-excited and hard to connect with. Screen time should be carefully considered as part of the morning routine, as although it may help to distract the child, it can also stress their brain out too.’

Consider getting everyone washed and dressed before moving downstairs, to skip the painful process being a rush right before leaving the house. You’ll also have more time to locate lost items and navigate bathroom-based break-downs without the clock ticking towards everyone’s-going-to-be-late territory. TV time can be cut down, breakfast can be eaten on the go if need be, but getting dressed and teeth brushed is a non-negotiable and needs to be given priority.

Independence Day

Setting independent habits early on is the best way to keep mornings running smoothly as they get older. It can be tempting to just do everything yourself to get it done quickly (‘sit down, I’ll put your socks on’, ‘I’ll help you finish up that porridge’, ‘arms out for your coat’) but allowing that little bit of extra time to let them to get it done on their own will prove invaluable as they get older and are used to having a bit of personal responsibility. When they’re able to dress themselves, lay out their clothes (you can do this the night before) and leave them to get dressed while you head downstairs and lay the breakfast table with items they can help themselves to.

Signposts for Success

Sticking to a morning routine feels simple to us, because we’ve been doing it for decades. It’s all new to our little ones, so they’ll need reminding of the steps frequently. Consider making a schedule for them with pictures that they can have in their room to remind them of the steps. You can add wake up time, getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, finding their coat; you could even use a white board that they can tick off jobs each day as they complete them to make it more fun (because ticking an item off a to-do list feels good at every age).

Are You The Problem?

One of the most stressful things about parenting is seeing our own flaws and imperfections reflected in our children. If you’re someone who is prone to morning chaos, it’s easy to think it’s the presence of your children causing the stress, when in fact you spent most pre-child mornings frantically looking for keys and running in and out of the house to check you’d unplugged the iron. ‘Children learn from us and then internalise what they witness,’ says Dr Mark. ‘If we lead a chaotic life, are constantly stressed and running late, the child will pick up on that and this will become copied behaviour.’

We know that children thrive on routine, but what if we could, too? Modelling behaviours to our children is always more effective than preaching to them, so your first action should be to make sure that your morning routine is in good order. Telling your children that their morning screen time is being cut from behind your phone: not a great look. Put your phone down, get dressed and start the day off right. As Dr Mark tells us: ‘An organised parent can help develop an organised child.’