Handling Life Changes With Mindset Coach Lily Silverton

We all go through big and small changes throughout our lifetime. Many of them we can take easily in stride, while others can make us feel a little off-balance. If you have some life changes on the horizon, or if you want to prepare yourself for when that inevitable time comes, then you might want to tune in to Lily Silverton. A wellbeing and mindset coach, journalist and podcaster (Lily is the founder and host of podcast series Priorities), Lily is well-versed in navigating the ups and downs of life with clear head. Here, she shares her mindset tips, strategies and tools, drawing on her experience in meditation and yoga, to help people realign their priorities and re-set their minds. 

Lily Silverton

Handling Life Changes With Mindset Coach Lily Silverton

Take Time To Reflect

When we experience a period of change, we’re often so busy getting on with life that we don’t stop and accept, mark, or mourn the shift. Rather than numb feelings of sadness with distractions or unhealthy habits, try to give your emotions some space – journal, talk with a friend or therapist, or listen to a favourite piece of music and let your thoughts roam free for a bit. Even if it’s a positive life change, it’s still worth taking the time to reflect on what you’re leaving behind.

Strive To Maintain Some Normalcy

In the midst of change, structure is like a lighthouse for the mind and soul, helping guide us home to ourselves. The more you can stick to what you know, the more comforted you’ll feel. Helpful habits and routines such as a morning walk or swim, meditation, or a cup of coffee in a favourite mug help remind us that some things stay the same, which calms the mind.

Realise Good Change Can Be Challenging Too

Sometimes when we go through a positive life change – such as leaving school or having a baby – we experience a great deal of stress or anxiety. This can come as a surprise, but it’s very normal. Firstly, the brain doesn’t particularly like change (it likes continuity, because it requires less energy), and secondly, these big life changes can be stressful – a new baby is great but it’s also exhausting! Remind yourself that it’s completely expected to feel stressed when things change and seek support where needed.

Check Your Thoughts

In times of change, it’s common to find ourselves experiencing thoughts that aren’t very helpful to us. You might start ‘catastrophising’ – assuming the worst will occur – or ‘mind reading’ – deciding you already know what everyone else is thinking. Combat these thoughts by checking in regularly with your thought patterns and challenging what you’re thinking. Ask yourself, is this thought helpful to me right now? If the answer is no, then see what a more helpful or neutral thought could be to replace it.

Beware Of Secondary Emotional Disturbances

Our capacity to think things through is both incredible and unhelpful. So, when it comes to change, it’s easy to find ourselves overly questioning our experience – for example, you may find that when you’re stressed, you start feeling stressed about feeling stressed. This is known as a secondary emotional disturbance. Keep an eye on your thoughts and emotional reactions – even just acknowledging these disturbances can often be enough to dissipate them.

 

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Identify Your Priorities

All transitions in life – even the exceptionally difficult ones – serve as an opportunity for us to consider our priorities and how we’re living our lives. Your priorities and values are the foundation to your decisions and behaviours, so think: what is truly important to you? What do you want to do more of? What do you want to do less of? How best can you use your time and energy on this earth? If you can begin to view this period of change as an opportunity to define what’s important to you, you’ll emerge a happier and more resilient person.

Ask For Help

Try as we might, we can’t do everything alone. Now is the time to lean on your network of friends and family – they’ll want to be there for you just as you would for them if roles were reversed. If you struggle with asking for help, try requesting something practical, such as a home-cooked meal or an hour of babysitting.

Be Okay With Dropping The Ball

Even with all the help in the world, you may still need to drop the ball in some areas of your life to better manage this period of change. And that is totally okay! Try not to worry about ‘doing it all’, instead, accept that you may not be the best friend, worker, partner or parent now and do what you need to do to get through. You can pick the ball up later.

Take Care Of Yourself

Whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’, change is exhausting, so be sure to build pockets of self-care and rest into your days. Keep checking in with yourself and try to do the stuff that you know helps – enough sleep, fresh air, exercise, nourishing food, not too much social media, plus anything else that makes you feel good in yourself.

Swap Envy For Insight

In periods of upheaval, it can be easy to find yourself comparing your own life (unfavourably) to those around you or strangers on the internet. Instead of letting those feelings of envy drag you down, try to think of them as a useful guide to what you want instead. Then use that information to refocus your energy towards your own life and what’s of value and a priority to you.

Priorities Live: The Life Pivot

For those who enjoy an IRL event, Lily is launching a series of Priorities Live events with The London EDITION, and next up is all about The Life Pivot, and how to approach these situations to bring about a healthier and happier life. Priorities Live: The Life Pivot will take place on 15 May 2023. See the full details (and how to book), below:

(c) Nikolas Koenig

Where? Punch Room at The London EDITION, 10 Berners Street, W1T 3NP

Timings: Arrival from 6.30pm, with the Talk and Q&A taking place between 7pm and 8pm

BOOK: Early bird tickets start from £15 and general admission tickets start from £20 both include a welcome drink upon arrival. eventbrite.co.uk

Featured image: Milan Popovic, Unsplash