Style / 5 years ago

The Good Life by Alice B-B: December

Discover what Alice B-B is up to this month...

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Scams, a leaky loo and a fake tooth…

The dread!

A text pops up from the bank, ‘Your Booking Online Store for £2,499. If not you, please urgently call fraud prevention on…’ I know, I know. Never call the number. Instead, take a deep breath, calmly look at your bank’s website, find the number for the fraud department and call it. So what did I do? Yep, I called the bloody number on the text and then proceeded to hand over ALL MY BANK DETAILS to the kind and helpful lady on the phone – who I thanked profusely for getting me out of this scrape.

And when she asked me to fetch my card reader, I apologised, ‘I’m so sorry I can’t get to a card reader for a week because I’m travelling.’ Then, the not-so-kind lady abruptly hung up. And it dawned on me… I’d been had. A shame-faced hour on the phone to the actual fraud team later and thank god no money had been swiped. But jeez, she was good. And I thought it was just daft old folk who got scammed…

Meanwhile in the sticks…

The blasted leaking shower rumbles on. I’ve scratched my nut, cursed the builders and had it re-siliconed five times. Finally the plumber decides to dismantle the wood-panelled ceiling from below to get a good look. Turns out the leak wasn’t the shower but… THE LOO! And it was coming from the…waste pipe (insert vomit emoji). And beneath the leaking pipe was the culprit…a dead mouse. Now, I like mice, but I like them in the garden. Not in the house, where they seem to use our water pipes as rodent toothbrushes, to sharpen their gnashers. So now what? Traps? Poison? A cat? I hate cats.

And suddenly it’s my birthday…

Mr Love keeps asking what I’d like for a present. But is it age? Or peak stuff? Or just being lucky to have a lot? Cause the truth is, I want less. Actually that’s not strictly true – what I really want is a new front tooth. I cracked it when I was 17: diving into a shallow pool, showing off to boys. Now the fake tooth needs an upgrade. But Mr Love looks horrified at my wish list. Granted, it’s not terribly sexy. So maybe I’ll suggest a puff of magic party dress by Simone Rocha. I suspect he’ll say it’s too Villanelle. And he’s probably right. Though I think there’s a bit of Villanelle lurking in me… She’d buy her own tooth. Or nick someone else’s.